After realizing the pathetic condition of existence and losing every single perception of self and free will I have constantly asked myself, how do I make a life out of the mess that it has become? How do I make my brief time of existence worthwhile and exciting for myself? How exactly should I go about living when I don’t really care about it?
And I think I just might have hit a jackpot! “Please Yourself”. My upbringing and all the insecurities that have developed over time have manufactured my subjective sense of reality. 21 years of existence in a more or less sane society has helped me develop a reasonable “self” that I carry around while interacting with it. I think all these years of communication with people has equipped me with reasonable tools to be a “good person”.
So, I think I am pretty much equipped with whatever world expects from a person which of course is a reflection of my privilege, but when it comes to living in a room away from the world that’s where things get a bit tricky. That’s when all those “demons” cloud over you to rain down things that you aren’t capable of handling. Drenched and exhausted, you’re left with nothing but heavy eyes that just want to shut themselves to free oneself from the misery of existence.
But what if you make up a virtual game and start playing it? Over the years your experiences have defined power and superiority for you, there is a specific definition of what you think is worth living for which defines what you think is power and a higher form of life to aspire to. That will definitely be different for every individual, for someone it’ll be about living a lavish life and for another, it can be about going into the wilderness to experience adrenaline. And even the bar that you set for yourself isn’t static and also is not supposed to be. Your games can keep changing constantly as you get bored of playing them.
Setting up enough games with different levels which fit into your reality might make up a good enough escape from the “real” world which is massively dysfunctional anyway. Enough games and enough level with infinite amount of customised calibration might just waste enough time in your life to one day rest flat on a bed while life constantly fades away or maybe an asteroid will strike, I don’t know, but those games will keep you interesting enough to live with yourself and might just make the constant and ever-increasing decay, fun!
While entropy eats us up through the illusion of time let’s just please ourselves and make this world a better place, for ourselves, fuck the dying kid in Africa or maybe don’t if it’s the part of your game.
Some of the games that I have made up for myself revolves around understanding the world that we live in as objectively as possible. So, if you are sad and lonely enough to have read this stupid piece of diarrhoea and have managed to not to get annoyed by its stink let me know if you have made up a game for yourself because I have nothing else to do in my life. Also, fuck that kid in Africa, he’s going to die anyway.
Live short and fail! (*jadoo’s hand*)
Blobiobolis 