Realization

Realization

I have not even completed 24hrs in Delhi and I have had 3 mental breakdowns, Delhi has been nothing but hostile. Don’t get me wrong, I was excited when I landed here, every breath depositing a new layer of carbon in my lungs, who wouldn’t love it. There are so many things that you are thrusted upon in a hostile environment! These long hours have made me scared of losing everything that life has given me in the last 20 years.

I don’t know why am I lost of words, someone who can’t get enough of them is struggling for syllables to stop his tears from breaking out of the dam of his eyelids.

I haven’t felt this level of hostility ever before, crazy, isn’t it! Maybe it’s me who is being hostile to Delhi more than Delhi being hostile to me. Nevertheless, I haven’t appreciated capitalism as much as I have done in the last 10-12 hour. Standardization of experiences across territory is the only comforting thing in all of the universe right now. Oh, how much I love internet and these devices at my disposal! I can live without food for 3 days, I can, but I am not sure how would I survive without these devices!

Human relationships are the most important. Period. There is nothing more comforting than knowing that you’re not alone. Just the sheer illusion of love is enough to push your lungs to inhale the next puff of air wandering about your nostrils.

Money, easily cracks the top 5 in the list of most important thing one needs to survive! Especially in this capitalist web that the world has been sewing for hundreds of years now, there is no way that you can live without it! Big companies trying to sell experiences in a hostile environment has become my blanket in this cold loneliness. I am so thankful to my parents and my friend (not ‘s’) living hundreds of kilometers from here, even when we have this whole universe separating us, their love peers through all this space time fabric to fill my heart with inexpressible feelings. Here comes the waterfall! (add one more to that list of breakdowns :p)

2 months more, but I just have to push through this week I am sure, after that, I will be good to go, living in my small bubble of nothing but information that comforts me, shielding myself from unnecessary hostility. Am I going to savor these memories, will I even want to have these being locked inside my little brain? Will I look back and laugh at this thing that I have written? I don’t know. But it definitely has taught me to appreciate whatever I have and whatever I will have which seems very unlikely as things stand right now but I am filled with nothing but love towards the people that are in my life!

Socialize kid! Please do! Human community is necessary for survival. There is nothing more comforting than knowing that you have people who care about you around you, somewhere. Don’t loose them, ever! Tell them everyday how much you love them!

I am thankful for this experience, maybe, if I look on the brighter side, I am filled with contentment and love towards what I have, but I am still not sure if I want more or less of this in the future, but as I said, there are things that are pushing my diaphragm up and down to create space for my lungs to expand wind fill them with air which would leave them obligated to push it out too, which would again create a bit of vacuum for another inhalation, so as  my lungs continue to do this, I’ll probably remain conscious and I will have to take all these challenges head on and maybe jump over a bit of them because one shouldn’t show unnecessary arrogance either!